all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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