she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
