You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
