Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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