He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
