I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
