Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
