I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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