I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
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I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize