i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
