Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I understand Curling. That high.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
