I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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