You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
