I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
