There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
