he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
