they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
