Nicole vs. Life
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I smell like Dick and happiness
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
