Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
