It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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