White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
