This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
