so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
