Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
