I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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