you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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