It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
