That's when you crack a 10am beer
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
