You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
