I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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