god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
