Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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