There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
