he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
