i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
