I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
