I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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