apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
