yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
