You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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