I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
