Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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