Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
