i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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