You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
