if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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