Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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