If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
