Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
