dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
