he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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