my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.