i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
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There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong