Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My dick has a subreddit