this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
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He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind