I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dating After Heartbreak
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?