so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!