The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
