i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
