i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
