I will die if light touches me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
