So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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