Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
