in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
