At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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