Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
