Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
